Stuck in Hell

What have I done to my life?...Who really knows....Why is so hard to love someone in this world?....I am at my end...I don't know how to let go of this....I wish somehow I could go back in time and fix everything....I know things wouldn't be perfect but I do know I wouldn't be crying 24/7.....I am tired and weak....Weak from all the pain the person that is suppose to love me causes me....Why is it that he can't see what he does to me....I am depressed and you know this but yet you want to make me cry about something else.....I don't understand life and pretty much I am tired of living it.....I sit and pray to God to take me away from this life....But then I have 2 kids to think about.....They would be so much better off without me here....Everyone would really....I wouldn't be a burden on my parents anymore....I am running them in the ground with always needing something....Why can I not just fade away?...In time people would forget about me.....Really they would.....Time heals all....Sometimes I just sit and think.....Is there really a God.....If so then why me....Why is that I have the crappy life I have.....Is it because I want to love and be loved.......I don't know....I wish someone could answer all this for me....I wish I could go back and be a kid again....Let someone take care of me.....Seems I am not strong enough to take care of myself let along my kids......So see they would be much better off if I faded away....I can't seem to get anywhere with this man...When I think I am something stupid comes up and it all just goes to shit....I need help....I need help so bad....I wish I knew how to get the help I need to break away from this life....I want him in my life but I want him there to make me laugh and smile.....Not cry all the time....How can he do this to me....How can he say he loves me with all his heart and soul.....I don't understand.....Can anyone out there help me to understand.